December 31st: Yes, i know. It's been forever. But, its 10:20pm new years eve and i am at work. So i have a right to bitch and complain as much as I want. And what to bitch about........... lets see. Let's begin with well hell. I dont know what to bitch about.....yet. Well, I guess it wouldn't be right if i didn't do a new years eve theme. Let's take the people who keep bitching about it "Not being the real millenium". I cant stand the "ACTUALLY... the millenium is 2001" or "If we based it on jesus, he was born circa 3 BC" etc etc etc. Damnit.. just go out, get drunk, get laid, and have a good time. Stop bitching. YOU dont have to sit at work all night and not have any fun at all. Me, on the other hand, someone who is reputable for having some of the biggest and best new years eve parties around, is totally screwed. I have been planning tonight since i was a kid, i turn 21 Dec. 18th, 1999, and then that new years was going to be amazing! But noooooooo, i get to, instead, have nothing to do at all. I'm not even getting any calls, ive been here an hour and a half, my phone rang once and they hungup immediately. Though, i'm ok with not getting calls.. if someone was really calling in for tech support tonight.. i really wonder what i'll do if i get a real call. most likely be condescending as hell (more than usual at least) I wish that people would spend tonight doing SOMETHING fun.. this is the only real landmark date-wise for our lifetimes. Why the hell would you spend it on the internet, or worse? Damn. I just know people are going to do it too... be complete wastes of space and not do anything interesting period. *sigh* I guess that can't be stopped. But do it for me. I'm not having any fun. Please..... May 29th: Ok, here's a little gripe about caffeine. Ever notice those mornings where you can drink like two or three mountain dews before work and still be groggy as hell? (substitute coffee and pepsi in there at will) I mean, i pop in a few nodoz and some soda on the way tow ork, and it doesnt stop that cement truck with the REALLY fat guy driving it from parking on my brain until lunch. But NOOOoooo.. drink an innocent 3 mountain dews half an hour before bedtime and can you go to sleep? Noooooo, that would be against the 'laws of caffeine' wouldnt it? Damn you to hell, caffeine gods! Cant you play fair for just once?? I want to sleep! May 28th: You know, something recently has really been getting on my nerves. People who decide to "not like something" because other people like it. Some people may brand me for that, but i can back everything up that i think sucks, because most likely it does. But people who say "I hate Led Zeppelin" why? "Because Tommy said they suck". Or people who hate Episode I because everyone else liked it. I dont freaking get it, i mean, i am bitter as hell, usually, and i can actually like something other people like. But im sure everyone has a person in their lives who hates some things just because other people like it, and no other reason. Argh. Damnit. May 27th: Well, i am back from vacation! and what a vacation it was! Ive seen star wars: Episode I a whole 4 times, and i plan on seeing it at least 3 times more. Well, today's gripe is about posters. Posters just dont ever unroll right.. they are always creased funny and i always seem to rip them by accident.. such as my good old Alicia Silverstone poster... for those of you who went to one of my rooms i had it up in.... I mean, tape is just not a poster-hanging utility. And tacks always mar up both the wall, and the poster. And frames are soooooo expensive. Plus, after you put it up somewhere, I hope you dont move. Because in the taking down, rolling, and transporting, let me tell you. That poster isnt going to come out crystal clean. I need to stop moving... or stop buying posters.... May 14th: Drive Thru Fun Part III! Well, it was a taco bell day today. They have these new star wars drink tops that cost like 3 bucks. It looked kinda cool, so i asked the guy if he had the "DARTH MAUL" ones like 3 times. he said yes. So i pay the money, get up there, and what does he hand me? This suckyass little anakin one (after AT LEAST 15 minutes of waiting). So im like 'uh, no' and so he's like 'try pizza hut, i hear they might have some more' and im like 'uh, no. gimme the darth maul one'. 'we dont have any' Well, i was late to get back, so instead of waiting like FOREVER for him to figure out how to give me back my three bucks, i begrudgingly took it and left. But damnit, im pissed. Oh well, maybe one day...... May 13th: R2D2 Gigapet. I got this R2D2 gigapet thing, and i guess the idea of it was cool. I mean, zekk's rancor was rather neat, for a little while. But this thing.. all you have to do is auto program it to do everything for itself. You dont 'feed' it, it powers itself. It doesnt have ANY games. it just.. well... sucks. I mean, honestly, i didnt touch the thing but maybe twice for 3 months and it was still alive. and when it finally died, i still got the top rating, not having to actually DO anything. I guess its what i get for getting a gigapet type thing.. but damnit... i really wanted something fun... May 12th: Watches. Here's the deal with watches: Its almost impossible to find a watch that you can wear everywhere, basically not worry too much about it, but that it will hold together. I have this $15 watch, that i guess its ok, but i swear the band breaks all the freaking time. The good quality watches with good bands i wouldnt want to wear around for fear of breaking it (makes me wonder why i have it then) But i swear this stupid plasticy watch breaks all the time... And the bands made out of that cloth like material.. well those are always fraying and breaking too. And watch LIGHTS.. thankfully the 'indiglo' type thing is common now, because there was nothing more frusterating than pressing that VERY VERY hard to even push in button (without busting your thumb nail) only to see if it was AM or PM, because the light was in like the little corner and didnt actually give off any real light. May 11th: Lets talk a bit about altoids. I remember when altoids were these really cool breath minty things. Well, i GUESS they still are, but for some reason whenever i have an altoid, it seems like the 'effects' last for a few seconds, and then bam, thats about it. I mean, i guess if you really like mints, then they are good, but you need to take like 5 to get any sort of a lasting mintyness... I used to have this spray, that when you sprayed it on your skin, it was like when you breathe in after munching an altoid... honestly. It was some weird anti itch spray that made it like your leg was breathing in icyness. It was crazy. May 10th: The whole group of impulse items in a grocery store is really just going too far. Ok, you have your candy, and (shudder) gum.. you've got some magazines, cigarettes, but i think the "Babe: Pig in the City" tapes are going a bit too far. Its almost impossible to try to buy something without knocking one of their damn promotional items over, or at least looking at them long enough that you get sick at yourself for considering to buy the little 'archie' comics. Speaking of archie comics, does anyone ever actually READ them? They seem to be a part of american culture, but i dont know ANYONE who has ever really read one... May 9th: Whoops, forgot to update for awhile. Its been a long week. a LONG week. Ever wonder when they can make fountain drink cups that dont sweat? I mean, theres nothing like having a nice cool pepsi, and then having to wipe up puddles from it every minute or two. I mean, it cant be THAT hard to create a cup with enough insulation that it doesnt condense on the outside.. but then again, i guess its all part of the 'we can do it for a lot less, so fuck you' mentality. May 8th: Now, i know we've gone over the drive thru thing a bunch recently, but this just has to be told. It was like 2am or so and we went to the Taco Cabana drive thru. We had to repeat our order AT LEAST 5 times to this guy taking it.. and then he didnt even give us all the right stuff... not by far. We sat there for an entire 15 minutes waiting on the food.. if not longer. We could almost have gone to a real restaurant in that ammount of time.. I mean, damn... The guy i swear was drunk... He kept laughing when we were ordering food.. like it was hilarious to order a taco platter. Anyway, basically, i decided that Taco Cabana is not on my favorite food places list. I ordered this huge meal thing and ended up getting a burrito. May 7th: I was at Wal-Mart for a mothers day gift tonight.. they had two registers. One where a bunch of people were standing there and some person had like some fucking palm trees or something and "something was amiss" so i got in the other line. Right as some woman buying $400 of random shit was getting there. I had a freaking card. So, i sit there for 20 minutes while the register lady with the broken arm tries to one handed scan each small item and stick it in a bag, then put the bag on the table. So finally these people finish their stuff, and the woman goes to help them load the like 3 carts full of stuff. Im just like.. "damnit.. ive got a $3 card. Fucking get out of the way already. So, while sitting there tapping my foot i finally get to buy my card, and the woman tries to make chit-chat. Im just like "please, just shut up and ring the card. I really didnt want to spend the hours i could be watching howard stern sitting here talking to a waste of existance like you." So anyway, just another reason Wal*Mart sucks. May 6th: Ok, this was just SOOOOO wrong. I was watching talk soup. And, well. Lets just say that the springer clip was just tooooo wrong. First off, theres this black guy wearing a g string and wearing some sort of a black 'wild west' (not quite stetson) hat. he's got these gold chains on. Then he's got these two chicks fighting over him. One is naked wearing a wedding veil and the other one, the black dude (he called himself "Mr. Panama") started pouring honey on her foot, on stage, and sucking it off. Im just like... "WTF is this.. some really really really low rate porn, transformed for cable television?" (with a lot less words and a lot more explicitives). I mean, each week they just try and top the last with how WRONG they can make it.... ugh. I need to stop watching talk soup. Badly. May 5th: Ah, its the anniversary of Cinco De Mayo. Anniversary as in at the time i am writing this, one year before... well, lets just say it was one HELL of a time down in Mexico. So, what is there to complain about you say? Well, lets start with mexican food. I love mexican food, but theres a new trend that is starting to bother me. Anyone out there ever have a "Santa Fe" gordita from taco bell? WTF is with putting corn in a damned taco? I mean, meat, cheese, sauce, lettuce.. all that good stuff, but CORN? I mean, did you just point at a food chart and say "lets pick something to put in our generically named tacos". And, one time i made the mistake of letting my parents order the food for me. MISTAKE. My mom's like, "here's your gorditas. I love santa fe!" and im like "oh god please mom say you didnt get me that corn crap". Well, she did. And it sucked. So, basically, the moral of the story: Corn does not = mexican food. Lets get that straight. Corn is for like, 4th of july picnics, if anything. May 4th: I really hate blockbuster video. Unfortunately, blockbuster owns like half of texas. One thing that really pissed me off, is i went to rent "Deep Impact" and low and behold, out of the like 200 copies, i just happen to grab the ONE that was misplaced in there. "Deep Rising". I get home and turn it on and i see this thing about "ships disappearing under the sea" and im like "what the fuck?". Well, you know, maybe its some secret underground project designed to counteract comets, right? No. I see this big bubbling "Deep Rising" and just scream out "GOD DAMNIT". So, of course, blockbuster is closed. I go back the next day and demand a real movie and they are like "dude, thats like, against policy. suck it." And, well, i wont even bother talking about the $4 per movie. May 3rd: One of the most frusterating things is testing just how hot something you want to eat is. I mean, i really dont want to sit and rub my fingers around in it, and even then, you take one nice bite and some hot air pocket poofs and burns the crap out of the top of your mouth. And, the most annoying part is that the burnt roof of your mouth stays that way for DAYS.. i mean, its not like some 'hey, i think ill have a pepsi and then it will be fine,' Oh no, its like a "my god i hate those god damned hot pockets" for at least half a week. May 2nd: Ok, so i went to wal-mart tonight (yes, the EVIL empire HQ, my former place of "employment", the actual store) to get star wars Ep I figures. Well, first off, its always funny to go to a wal-mart 2 years later and see who is still actually working there. For the same like $6.50 per hour that they got before.. and i saw like 4 people there i worked with. It made me glad i decided to like, move up in the world. if even a little. So, the real point was i was in the parking lot, and they have this guy drive around in a little go-cart thing, then stop, smoke a cigarette, and do it again. Like he would actually do anything if people started breaking into cars. Theres all these damned carts ALL over slamming into stuff, and he just like puts along. I think it is his actual job to move the carts, but damn, its like some sort of commodore video game, dodging the carts, even while walking without getting slammed into... damn Wal-Mart and damn their evil empire of badness May 1st: Lets address coffee today. We have free coffee at my work, but theres a few problems. 1) At our desks we can only have drinks with caps or lids. 2) The lids provided for the coffee are WAY too small. You have to warp the cup and usually it breaks the styrofoam and then the cup is worthless. Because you KNOW how bad styrofoam tastes when its "Protective Seal" is broken. And then, if you dont drink your coffee in like 30 minutes because the lids are all messed up, it goes stone cold. And cold coffee is one of the nastiest things there is out there... it just... you know. It sucks. AND... the pepsi machine there doesnt have bottles. It has cans. which we cant drink at my cube. So, my bottle choices are: coke, which i dont drink. dr. pepper, which i also dont drink. Or sprite. So ive been drinking a lot of sprite lately, and i dont especially like it. April 30th: You know, i saw something that just pissed me off today. Theres a 'live action' Inspector Gadget movie. I mean, has the movie industry so run out of ideas that they have to remake EVERY SINGLE somewhat successful cartoon? I mean, one or two was kinda funny, but we're talking every single summer there is at least 2 or 3. I mean, george of the jungle.. i still refuse to EVER watch that movie. 1) I hate brendan frasier, and 2) it just looked SOOOOOOoooo bad. And i am still in denial that they made TWO brady bunch movies. One made me chuckle, two made me puke. April 29th: Its kind of funny after watching a lot of movies and stuff, and being desensitized to all sorts of violence when i watch to see just what they censor on tv movies today. Nudity and swearing i understand, but its kind of hilarious at the types of violence they censor out. In "Tombstone" where one of the main characters is shot, they cut out all of his like, important 'goodbye' lines because he was "covered in blood". I dont see them cutting that crap out of ER. But maybe thats because it wasnt everyone's favorite "i will never ever ever make a movie that makes money' man George Clooney. Its also funny when watching a USA up all night where they play neo-pornography, cut out all the nudity, and expect people to watch. I mean, those movies are just so thick in plot that what does a little lack of nudity mean? Lets take "Marilyn Chambers Bedtime Stories". Well, to begin with its not a cinematic masterpiece to watch a 15 years past her prime porn star act like she is still attractive. But to listen to her tell stories about people getting laid and all you see is the restaurant scenes where they talk about hair. But then again, at 3am there really isnt a lot of choices on what to watch on tv. I mean, theres only so many times i can watch Ron Popeil sell me his silly ronco items. April 28th: Wendy's drive thru screwed me today, but we just wont go there. On my way to work i got caught behind this woman with a 'jesus is in my car' bumpersticker. Well Jesus sure has put on some weight because she was putting along at like 20mph on a 35mph road... so im sitting there, i miss the long light, and then she goes the EXACT SAME WAY to work as I did. i mean i swear, i couldnt get her the hell out of the way. I would have thought the obscene gestures and yelled profanities might have tipped her off that she could get out of first gear, but NOOOoooooo she just sort of drove along in her little world and would NEVER GET OUT OF THE WAY..... argh. Im like trying to nascar my way to work, and this woman was just determined to screw me. So if you see a "Jesus in my car" bumper sticker, sideswipe her ass for good old rat. April 27th: I swear they screw you at the drive thru every single time. I ordered a combo meal, though i didnt really want the drink, i wanted the curly fries (this is at arbys) and so, what the hell. might as well get a large drink for like 40 cents, right? Well, they sure as hell made sure that wasnt going to happen. they hand me my stuff, the drink, and close the window. So, i put my straw in while i am on my way home, and what does the delicious looking mountain dew taste like? FREAKING SELTZER!!!!!! They obviously didnt hear all the hissing noises the drink machine makes while they were injecting their heroin and neglected to tell me i just spent $6 for a chicken sandwich and fries. because let me tell you, that drink sure hit the trashcan pretty damned fast. I used to really like arby's, but now its time for revenge. MUWAHAHAHA December 2nd: Ever wondered what happened to the snapple empire? Well, probably not. But i havent seen that one 'snapple lady' in a few years.. and the only new thing snapple has done in those years is change their labels. I remember when there was like a new snapple flavor every week... i dont know if "Frutopia" cut into their profits.. but it is really pissing me off. Snapple brought about the entire 'everyone loves strawberry kiwi' revolution, and now it is floundering with putting 'all natural' on its pink lemonade. Get it together snapple! December 1st: Well, Its back..! :) Anyway, during my couple of months off, there were a few complaints that didnt happen to get on here.. hopefully i can remember most of them. Anyway, today's complaint is about this strange food called 'grits'. I had never heard of them except on maybe a dukes of hazzard episode or so, but QUAKER makes these instant grits in flavors like 'country bacon' and 'red eye gravy'... i had one, and basically, lets take cream of wheat, and turn it into a lunch. It was kind of pretty gross, it was like eating sand with bacos. Moral of the story: grits are bad.