The time honoured tradition of being a bastard.  There are those
who excel at it, and there are those who stake their entire
prosperity by it.  Well, all those people from the two towers
who like to prove they are more bastardly than the next shall
most likely end up here.  I expect Dravin to set many records.

The inaugural BASTARD of the week, for March 22, 1998 is.. Uther! Uther, that great lord of the meglivornth earned his honourable title for, basically, booting me out for not wanting a 12 hour old character, and convicted/nuked cheater back into the guild, for many valid reasons. But, just like in the catholic church, to question is to be punished. So, lets all thank Uther for being this week's bastard of the week.
Bastard of the week for March 29, 1998 is..... Smart! Smart, the insolent little shit who didnt know what the fuck he was talking about in the first place decided it would be a funny trick to piss off uncle Rathmar by feebly attempting to slam him on the comm by his getting "kicked out of the sou". In actuality, leaving the SOU was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, since i was able to get the fuck away from ignorant weak guildmasters like Gerney, and move on in my life. But Smart, the guy who joined just as i was on the way out, thought he knew everything and decided to get mouthy about it. What the little fuck doesnt know is that though he may sit back and try to find little parts that hurt, guys like Dravin will always master him, and he will look like the rotting little shit that he is. I will use his testicles as orange peels over the next few weeks. Thats our friend, Bastard of the Week, Smart.
Bastard of the week for April 5, 1998 is... Desmas! Uther gave him a close shave just for the pure fact that he exists, and Zekk's banging on my door while i was trying to sleep came close.. but not close enough to touch Desmas, who isnt really even worth giving this award to. Desmas apparently doesnt like 'mud parties' or people who talk about 'mud parties' so he said some not so nice things to myself and kelthang when we were discussing 'mud parties'. Well, Desmas is another one of those 'always exciting' second characters created to bug the shit out of people. Well, since this sort of bull crappery is allowed, go for it Desmas! You rule! For you are this week's bastard of the week!
Bastard of the week for April 12, 1998 is... Minas Tirith Level Three High Guards! Yes, those pesky high guards sure dont appreciate you bare knuckling thugs in the street, then having to wimpy south and getting a double massacre, then wimpying back north and getting hit very hard by the thug that can barely hit you. WAY TO GO GUYS! For you are this week's bastards of the week! (Note - This week didnt have very many bastards in it. Uther was close for continuing to ruin his guild by letting in such non-roleplaying guys like drathmar etc, and cheaters etc. But nothing outrageous enough to warrant a repeat title)
Bastard of the week for April 19, 1998 is... Jasumin! Yes, Jasumin, our good friend with the name that everyone mistakes for being a girl. And, after repeated corrections, it is still quite easy to consider him to be female. But, his actual reason for being this week's bastard of the week was that he thought his 'clever' decision to make fun of my web page for no good reason except to try to piss me off. And piss me off he did, i was given a warning after i said on the comm that i was going to log off because otherwise i would 'tear into his ass'... perhaps i should have stayed and gotten the full effect of the warning. But hey. If he wants to be a dick for no reason at all, thats fine with me. Since i have him on ignore, he can say his really cool hurtful things about me and i wont hear a bit of it. The reason it really pisses me off is that i make this web page simply to entertain others and basically let everyone have a good time. I know how the ainur feel when their code etc is insulted. It takes a fucking long time to make a web page, and a lot of effort. If you dont like my web page, thats great. But you dont need to go out of your way to fucking piss me off by finding creative ways to say 'it sucks'. Sure, some people may not enjoy the humor here. Its certainly not your generic "Seinfeld" brand of humor. I, however, enjoy it and think it is funny. And most everyone else i know that has visited it has thought so. So, in short. If you read this and dont like my page, that is "Great". But if you want to sit and tell me how i wasted the last 2 months working on it, and how you feel stupider just by coming here, well that is simply a quick path to ignore. Nobody else who pulls this crap will get bastard of the week, due to all the idiots who 'want' to get it, i dont want to open a door for those people to hurt my feelings in trying to get it. So, lets all congratulate Jasumin, this week's bastard of the week.
Bastard of the Week for April 26th, 1998 is.. Sunem! Yes, the nuked and finally site banned (though we know that wont stop him from getting back) Sunem is the bastard of the week! Yes, Sunem is very close to the most nuked player with marthaon. Why is he bastard of the week this week you ask? Well this is more of a tribute bastard recognition of one of the most fucked up people to ever play on two towers. Yes, known well for his indescreet sexual acts as a female character with many of arda's hornier citizens, he was finally nuked for cheating and weapon exchanges and stuff. So lets all congratulate Sunem, this week's bastard of the week.
Bastard of the Week for May 3rd, 1998 is.. Serex! Serex, who should have gotten this honor long ago has joined the ignore list and will probably not be heard from again on this page. Lets all hope so. Serex's daunting task this week was being an annoying bastard on the comm. Again. So, i proceeded to do what EVERYONE wanted me to do, which is i told him, on the comm, to shut the fuck up. i got imprisoned for 10 hours for it, but damn, it was worth it. i hope serex rots in hell.
Bastard of the Week for May 10th, 1998 is.. Wildleaf! Wildleaf, the proud dike crasher who earned his title basically by slamming a level 6 who killed Gor for the first time ever on the comm. He was gloating about how he can kill Gor with only losing 20 hit points or so... This guy is so pathetic in how he can sit by and be PROUD of killing in areas like the white towers etc.. Also, by pissing him off, you will learn how much of a dick sucking fuck head you are through tells, and if you accuse him of killing in a newbie area, you will automatically become Red Baron. AND, it is harassing him about talking about stuff he has done on the comm, its also whining. Plus, ask him about his sheriff skills. He is VERY proud of the fact that all but disarm are in the 20's, so he can club. Gil-Goroth fully endorses this bastard of the week election. And i dont blame him. Congratulations Wildleaf, you are this week's "Bastard of the Week"
Bastard of the Week for May 17th, 1998 is... Marthaon! And his many, many, many other names that you all know his many characters, and his single personalitywhich was every character. Now, our good friend is nuked, and site banned (finally). Yes, we all know him for his mordor bugs he abused, his helping kill galadriel, and his kissing everyone's ass all the time so that when he killed someone he would still have buddies to back him up. Well, that wore off after awhile and we was seen as who he really is. So, for all you who love this scum licking bastard, he finally made it as bastard of the week. May he never return to our lives again. Maybe now he will get off his ass and pass some classes. Congrats Marthaon, you are this week's "Bastard of the Week"
Bastard of the Week for May 24th, 1998 is... Marsellus! Yes, Marsellus the ideahog, who apparently feels that only his ideas about making pk legal is the only way to improve the mud earned him this week's title. To go off on someone on the gossiper who is trying to better the life of newbies and help fight a very serious level of scumness, simply because his ideas werent getting the attention he wanted.... *sigh* i dont discredit him and aquila's ideas, but because not everyone wants to drone on about it, though it dominated the gossiper for awhile, its time moved on. Theres no reason to stop new ideas because of that. Marsellus, congratulations, you are finally this week's "Bastard of the Week"
Bastard of the Week for May 31st, 1998 is... Dravin! Finally, Dravin got his title as Bastard of the Week.. the returning champion as Bastard of the year of 1997 is making his big comeback. During a "raging kegger" he said "ill go mud!" and logged on, and started slamming everyone because they 'didnt have as many kills as he did'. Rock on Dravin! He proceded to say that nobody was as good as him, and that he has seen Fjant's corpse tons of times and fjant killed him only twice. WAY TO GO Dravin! You are this week's "Bastard of the Week"
Bastard of the Week for June 7th, 1998 is... Mathias! It seems like a trend is starting where the classic bastards keep coming back for more. Marsellus, Dravin, Mathias.. when will the list ever end? Mathias, runner up for last year's Bastard of the Year, won his award by deciding that since nobody seemed to listen to him anyways, he should start to go to real life insults about people's appearances. I mean, Mathias isnt exactly a cover girl himself, the 15 year old comedy central addict that he is, but there is somewhere where you draw the line. And he crossed that and left good taste and even bad taste behind. For this, Mathias has earned his title of Bastard of the Week.
Bastard of the Week for June 14th, 1998 is... Fringers! The guy goes to all the effort to make sure that all my time in the SOU was for naught by making the inner core members swear to not let me become guildmaster no matter what the cost.. and then he comes online and tries to talk to me like we're old buddies! What nerve! Piss off you asshole I hope you rot in hell.
Bastard of the Week for June 21st, 1998 is.... Softshoe! Yes, the newbie with the "coolest" name in arda who just did NOT understand our helpful direction towards suicide. So, call me Dr. Kevorkian or whatever, but he should be dead damnit. Blolaf is a much better name, in my opinion. So, Softshoe got a tad on the vulgar side when his side of the story was.. well, not really cared about. Poor guy. He just doesnt get it.
Bastard of the Week for June 28th, 1998 is.... Folde! Sire was VERY close due to his deletion of the Fitz's parents gossip, but Folde topped him. During a game of drink and party in all of arda's bars, i ran across a duck in rivendell that followed me everywhere. MUCH less annoying than that stupid puppy, it was a COOL duck, we gave it some beer. ROCK ON DUCK! But.. then during a barfight in Belegost and my banning from the Belegost Tavern for life.... Folde, that NASTY BAD EVIL GUY STOLE MY DUCK!! YOU SUCK FOLDE! Congratulations Folde, you are this week's BASTARD OF THE WEEK
Bastard of the week for July 5th, 1998 is.... Gerithron! Yes, Folde gave a VERY close race by suiciding after I had given him 10k to help gain some stats back, but Gerithron, the one who annoys the entire mud tops him. Everyone loves the quotes "Gerithron smart, you too dumb" etc, etc. He's one of those lovable annoyances that will never ever ever go away. Ever. Congratulations Gerithron, for you are this week's... BASTARD - OF - THE - WEEK
Bastard of the week for July 12th, 1998 is... Stryker! Yes, originally he was vying for it with his ripping me off web page, but the real clincher was when i was online a bit.. intoxicated, and he was a total ass. Stryker, you suck. Ive never heard 'jackass' be used so much that the word itself sucked entirely for the rest of my life. *sigh* I guess he's been watching happy gilmor. Though, he did make me say something about Bob Saget sucking dick for cocaine. Stryker, you are this week's BASTARD OF THE WEEK!
Bastard of the week for July 19th, 1998 is... Khufu! Yes, amazing he didnt make it before, but the idle killing while making eggs bastard wins the award! And why you ask? He KNEW that I was afk, yet he wouldnt stop because "he thought i would report them anyways". Heh. Funny stuff guys! Well, the last laugh is probably mine, since his fine probably cost twice as much as it did for me to get my skills/stats back. But hey, when you have a bunch of ass sucking megs behind you to pay your fines, who cares if you suck?
Bastard of the Week for July 26th, 1998 is... Horid! Finally, a PC/NPC player war breaks out, and I get the chance to compete and roleplay, and Horid thinks its an oppertunity to make an assassination :P He hunts me from rivendell to thranduils, where i break the hunt and try to talk to him. While im talking to him, he comes in and does it again, and this time i am not quite so fortunate. And then he goes to say "its a shame it ahd to take place during a player war, but i wanted you dead, and couldnt pass on the oppertunity". What a banner bearer for the amruin, no?
Bastard of the Week for August 2nd, 1998 is... Gilgoroth! Yes, grumbly gil, who has pissed off every one of his friends, left his guild, and basically destroyed his character and everyone who had befriended it. To join the "bad guys" But still... how could you do that? Its so sunemish. I just hope that gil doesnt end up creating characters like "Candycane" and "Bubbles" and go around sleeping with guys, like Sunem did. That would really, really suck.
Bastard of the Week for August 9th, 1998 is... Garic! Yes, he didnt do anything exceptionally bastardly, except now he is Guildmaster of the SOU. Yes, the backstabbing once student of mine leads Arda's rival for most pathetic guild next to the all mighty Valacirca. Who were rated a bit higher until they went through 5 gm's last month. And carangaer left, folde suicided.. i mean, what valacirca can i say i like now??? Back to Garic.. he was part of the 'Lets have Gerney ruin the guild so Rathmar cant be GM" Conspiracy. Though he has tried many times, he is one of the long time constituents on my "permeanant, never ever getting off ignore" list. Ever. You suck ass man. Its a shame Dalamar comes in the package with you. I kind of like him.
Bastard of the Week for August 16th is... Gommel! Yes, the self proclaimed #1 fan of my web page decides to not only rant on how bad it sucks after i changed it, and change his legend to direct people elsewhere, but then he has the NERVE to not log on for days to talk about it. It really pisses me off when people assumed my page was some page that was never meant for anything besides text. I take pride in my work here, and I work very hard to bring you the best free entertainment that I can. And when crap like this takes place, it really makes me wonder if its worth it. I make this web page for me, to express all the stuff thats going on inside my head without shooting some grocery store clerk who looks at me funny. And then crap like this just TICKS ME OFF. Gommel, you do not know how pissed i am at you. Bastard. Of the week.
Bastard of the Week for August 23rd is... Mathias! Yes, a REPEAT bastard of the week! I have avoided giving repeats forever, but this was one that deserved it. After losing the mcouncil election, and not knowing much else to do to piss me off, he went and reported that my web page reveals "Illegal Information" and that I should be held accountable, and be punished or nuked or whatever. You know, Mathias, the harassing mails calling me overweight was bad enough, getting them in my guestbook, etc, but when you start trying to get my web page pulled, no, thats a line you shouldnt cross. Im not going to lower myself to your level by saying what I think of you, but whatever you want to do to get your jollies, enjoy. Bastard of the Week for August 30th is... Quillon! Yes, i admit, he wasnt the most deserving one out there, but i wasnt on much, and you hounds demand i update my page. all the god damned time. so, here you are. he sucks, he doesnt like my page, and sent me 3 top 10 things about it. plus a few guest books on it. So, this is your last freebee. so take it and smile.
Bastard of the Week for September 6th is... Twilight! Sigh, its so hard to please this person. I talk to her for about a week, write something on my page, and once more im the evil incarnate. I remove the thing, and im still evil incarnate. I remove some of the stuff NOT posted by me, and she tells people she suicided her character (little did she mention it was an hour old) because of me. Well, Twilight, FUCK YOU. Im tired of trying to be the nice guy. You're a bitch to me anyways. If you are going to blame mails you're getting about what the "uninterested observer" wrote on my message board, i didnt write it. i removed it. and you still act like i am some inhuman beast. I dont mind that, but even if i totally clean everything up and try to be nice, you go bitch berserk again. Next time someone has a problem with my opinion on my page, go to for an opinionless page.
Bastard of the Week for September 13th is... Well, to be honest, i had what i felt to be a very good bastard of the week written here. However, since it was slandering an ainur, and as such, the ainur as a whole, i was kindly asked to remove it. So, its removed, in my heart it will always be here, but unfortunately, i am human, and will buckle to necessary censorship here and there if need be. I guess
Bastard of the Week for April 26th, 1999 is.. The first bastard of 1999! And what a fun story it is. This is the story of Shagrath (now deceased). Shagrath first made his appearance known to me by complaining on the comm about how "low level thieves should find better places to steal than in belegost". Funny that Shagrath the level 16 wizard was having problems fighting the 'incredibly powerful dwarves' there. So, a contract was placed on him. And he died. If that wasnt enough, Shagrath never gave up his belegost haunts, and as such, was put to death by myself and a group of others. And then he was nuked, for reasons i dont quite know. Not a very bastardly ending, for vengeance was given, given, and then pounded into him. But a good tale all the same.
Bastard of the Week for May 10th, 1999 is.. Baal! Here's another rather funny story. Baal is DLSG and at the ASB place. Lant walks in, backstabs him. Baal quits. He logs back on, lant is still there, lant bs's him again, he dies. And then he goes on and kills baal's friend oli. So when he auctions their stuff, he mis-tags one of their items, and here is Baal's clever "comeback" ^ Baal: Hey guess what Lant?.......If you had the intellect of a dwarf....which isn't much to boot, you'd know that Oli had the prod, I had my forged sword. The price is wrong, bitch. (Happy Gilmore). That alone right there was one of the worst comebacks I have ever ever seen. The guy then went on to talk about how "he didnt care that he died, he beat up on lant earlier" (lant didnt die). I dont endorse or support lant, so you get that straight, but i swear this story had me laughing so hard.